Somewhere
by ellieandhardy
Summary: The aftermath of S1 (written before S2). Both Ellie and Hardy adjust to their new lives. Series of stories that sequentially follow each other.
1. Losing Game

"I want to listen to it." The break in the established silence between them startled him. "What?" he replied quietly.

"The tape. Let me listen to the tape." Her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks tear-stained, but he could see that determination, a stubbornness that he could only attribute to a trait of his that she had picked up over their time together. One of the many, though he was not very proud of that.

"Are you sure? I-"

"I need to listen to it. Let me listen to it." She was staring straight into his soul now, unfalteringly. There was no trace of the Miller he knew, no smile in her eyes, and no life in her voice. He continued to let the eye contact maintain for a moment longer, to see if he could just catch a glimpse, a flicker of the Ellie he once knew. There was no change, and she wouldn't let it go.

He reluctantly got up from his desk to retrieve the tape. He looked at her one last time in case she decided to change her mind, in case she only felt like she had to listen to it because she was working on the case, but there was no sign of that. She was staring at the machine, waiting for sound to come out of it, not even paying attention to his prolonged stare. With one last sigh, he pressed play.

 _"What was the exact nature of your relationship with Danny?"_

 _"I was in love with him."_ He didn't want to listen to it again; he didn't want to relive it so soon. He closed his eyes and tried to drown out the sound coming from the tape, tried to listen to the sounds of his own heartbeat, trying to remind himself that he couldn't show this weakness, not now, not in front of her. It was a silly thought, considering she had already seen him on the ground, his heart overworked and overstressed, so helpless. He opened his eyes again and saw her face. Fresh tears were rolling down freely, falling on the exposed part of her neck. She was still staring intently at it, as if she could see what actually happened in the room in front of her eyes. He wondered if he should take the place on the couch next to her, to somehow try to console her, but decided against it when he realized he'd probably be as much help as a stone statue. Hardened, she said. The name fit, but he never wanted her to become like him. He felt it would have been inevitable with the job eventually, but he didn't want to be the cause. He gathered himself out of his thoughts and looked at her again, really focusing this time. He could see she was right on the edge of completely breaking down.

 _"Why did you need to give Danny that amount of money, Joe?"_

 _"I wanted him to love me."_ She got up and went to the corner like before, sobbing so violently that she was gagging, and he stopped the tape before he went over to her side. He hated this. He hated Joe for doing this to the town, to the family, to her, and he hated himself for being right. He so desperately wanted to take that raw pain from her and take it on himself; he's been through betrayal before and if he went through it again he might well die in the process, but it'd be worth it to take it away from her.

She got up again slowly, his hand never breaking contact as she stood straight again. She gave him one last desperate look and collapsed against his chest, crying into his shirt and he pulled her closer, running a soothing hand across her back. Her hair smelt like vanilla, and he could pretend that they were 'Sir' and 'Miller' again, a name not tainted by everything that has happened since then. She loosened her grip and wiped her face, trying to compose herself the way she did when they were delivering heartbreaking news. She always wore her heart on her sleeve, and to see how easy it was for her to completely change her demeanor now was tragic. There wasn't any doubt that they had both changed during their time together, becoming more like the other with each passing week. For him, it was for the better, but for her it was for the worst, and it was all his fault.

A fellow officer had come to collect her to take her to her house to retrieve her things. He moved with her, reluctant to break the contact that they had been sharing since he told her the news. "I'll see you soon." He ran a last smoothing hand across her arm and she was out the door. His eyes continued to follow her until she was officially out of sight and he let out a sigh. He wanted to run out to her, to hold her and never let her go…out of everyone in this godforsaken town, of all the suspects they had, all the time they invested in this case, why did it have to be him? They were playing a losing game from the start. He noticed the dark spots on his tie where her tears had fallen and caressed his thumb over them. He felt moisture on his own face, and a single teardrop fell on his hand. He laid back into the couch and closed his eyes.


	2. By Any Other Name

Ellie.

 _Ellie._

She didn't like it when he said her name; it didn't fit his mouth. Every time he said it she frowned, and there was an air of silence immediately following. That was only slightly better than the awkward silence that followed him saying 'Miller' by accident, because it was such a force of habit and became second nature to the both of them. Who was she then? Not Ellie, not Miller, but a nameless face in a sea of people. Maybe it was better that way. She wouldn't have people coming up to her every second saying 'I'm so sorry' like they were apologizing, like it was their fault. She hated it. Once the news got out, she couldn't avoid anyone. So she hid from the world with him.

They didn't use names when they were alone, not usually, anyway. It was only when they wanted to make a point with emphasis, when they were talking over each other during a hot topic of conversation, usually involving the crap telly they often watched while together to lighten the air, and she'd either say 'Alec,' which he grimaced at, or 'Sir,' which still seemed too weird given how nothing they could do would be less professional than what they were doing now.

She would catch him staring sometimes, like he wanted to say something, like he felt he should ask if she's okay, or if she needed anything, and she tried to ignore it. He was the only one who didn't make her feel like her world was wrong, turned upside down and thrown into the bin. She didn't mean for him to become a habit, but over time she found herself asking Lucy and Olly to look after the kids because she wanted to take a walk, and her walks always ended up here. They didn't ask, but somehow they knew. She wondered if anyone else had noticed, but even if they had, that gossip would still be overshadowed by 'Miller: the brilliant detective, sleeping with a murderer'. Luckily.

There were times that she was unbearably aware that he was still living in a hotel room. She wondered where his home was, and why he hadn't gone back yet. There was so much that she didn't know about him, yet she felt like he was the only one she could trust. Her house had just been cleared of police tape, but she didn't feel like going back. Not yet. She had been looking into towns that they could move to, comparing schools and livability, but she never got far. Thoughts of him would creep up, watching mindless TV and drinking tea while arguing about nothing because she missed that wit, that banter, and she decided to stop looking at that point. She couldn't imagine not having him a couple minute walk away to just sit and not talk about life or the future or the past.

"Ellie." She tried hard not to make a face, almost as hard as she tried to ignore the stare he gave that lasted for the past minute, but was not successful. She turned to him and waited for him to continue, waited for him to ask her if she was okay, or to ask when she was planning on moving out of this town, or to tell her he was going back to wherever he came from and she should go too . "Does Tom not like me?" Well that was unexpected.

"What? Why do you say that?" she asked, completely bewildered.

"Well, you never bring him over, except that one time your nephew dropped him and Fred off, and he seemed a bit…wary of me." She had thought back to that time, and remembered how surprised she was that Olly even knew she was there. Her sister had gone back home and left Olly with the kids, but he was called back to the Echo, or so he said, and he had brought them to her. Tom was probably reflecting her own confusing emotions at that time, but she didn't notice it, as she was trying to figure through her own feelings toward the situation. "It's like I intimidate him or something."

She chuckled. "Oh really, where would you get _that_ idea?"

"I'm not! You don't think I'm intimidating, do you?" He was very concerned about this topic and it showed all over his face, which only made her laugh harder.

"I mean, you did interview him in a police setting twice, and you are a bit…stunted in the social aspect." She watched as his face slowly became more offended, his eyes and mouth growing wider by the second.

"I've gotten better about it." He mumbled as he turned his attention away from her. Now it was her turn to stare. She hadn't really noticed his face before, hadn't really seen every detail until now. Yet, she could still see how much better he looked, not dragged down by the stress of it all, a hint of a smile, and the scar right below his ear near healed. She thought about her own features and suddenly felt self-conscious. She hadn't slept much, nor eaten, and she was sure she had gained some serious wrinkles from frowning and crying in addition to the bags upon bags of her eyes. She subconsciously touched her face, and he must have noticed because he went right back to staring at her. But instead of thinking it was because he was concerned with how she was doing, she thought it was because she must have looked dreadful.

"I should probably get going, I have stuff…Tom, Fred-" she awkwardly got up and sort of shuffled in place, gesturing toward the door.

"Alright, okay, see you." He got up with her and walked her to the door. She stopped right in front of it and he stopped as well, confused. She hesitated for a bit, and he looked at her with a sort of…hope, was it? She said her final "bye" and quickly turned to rush out.

"El, wait." El. That was new. She had been called El before, but it never sounded like that. He gently put his hand on her shoulder and she turned back toward him. His arms reached around her and pulled her towards him, with him burying his face in the crook of her neck. She hugged him back, enjoying the feeling she didn't know that she had been missing. When she realized that he was probably desperate for touch, especially since he probably hadn't seen his daughter for god knows how long, she hugged him tighter. There were still a lot of questions to be answered, a lot of feelings to be discussed, but it could wait for another day. They let go of each other, fully sated, smiles on their faces, and bid farewell. She walked through the lobby, trying to hide a small smile that refused to be hidden, and noticed Becca in the corner of her eye give her a smile as well. Though the road looked long and rough ahead, her path to healing had become clear. Not hiding, not anymore.


	3. Enduring

He missed her smile. Of course, she hadn't really smiled much around him, not when they were working, not in the beginning. He used to be able to hear the expression of her face without looking at her, but her voice had changed as well. Everything about her now is so completely different to what he knew, to what he, over time, found comfort in. If only he had held on to those stolen moments longer, encapsulated them in his memory somehow, he could experience it again. To see her face light up, to see her teeth and gums show in all of their glory, shining out like the only bright light for miles in this dull coastal town.

He only came here because this town had one of the lowest crime rates in the country and he wanted to continue working. He thought he might have been able to hide it, just take his pills in silence, never speak of it to anyone, and get on with his job, but life's never that easy. Then he saw another murdered child, and he had to get it right this time, he had to prove to everyone, no not everyone, to _his daughter_ , that he could do this, that he was still that hero she used to think of him as, saving the day and fighting crime, catching the bad guys and protecting the world. He had to try so hard, had to work so hard because he couldn't get this wrong. And then he met Ellie. Emotive, passionate DS Miller who had more at stake than just proving she could solve a case. This was her town, her life, and her child's best friend. He remembered that during the case, he periodically made sure that she was okay because it was her first murder case and the people involved were her friends and she didn't want to let them down. However, he never thought he'd have to make sure she was okay for reasons entirely different. Her husband, the father to her beautiful children, a murderer.

She invited him to join her and her children at the beach one day, and he was a bit hesitant at first; he didn't want people to be staring at them or coming up to her, expressing their condolences when he knew that she probably just wanted to forget for a while. He decided to go, realizing that it would be better than letting her brave it on her own. Not that she couldn't, or that she needed him to protect her or shield her, he knew he would probably get a slap if he even suggested that, but she probably wanted the company. God knows he needed company after Sandbrook fell, but instead he isolated himself. Moved down here still holding on to that baggage, still hoping that his daughter still loved him, living in a world that he created around himself, a world that he was made to suffer in, because that's what he felt he deserved. It was his fault.

When he arrived, she was standing near the water, holding on to Fred's hand as he splashed around. Tom was in front of them, building a sandcastle, so he waved and enthused a "hey, Tom!" to which he could see Tom visibly stiffen and mutter a "hi" back. He was still facing Tom, his back to Fred and Ellie and was about to ask him about his sandcastle when he felt her hand on his back.

"You're unbelievable, you know that? I ask you to come to the beach, we're not even detectives anymore, yet you still come in a suit." He stayed facing Tom for a moment longer because he could hear it again, the expression on her face…she was smiling. He turned around to see it, to see that bright light beaming back at him, and he moved to embrace her before he stopped himself. They had a moment of confusing eye contact until their attention turned to Fred, who was splashing water on his trousers. "See, that's what you get for wearing a suit to the beach." Fred was beaming back up at him just like his mother, and he couldn't help but smile back. "Tom, sweetie, can you look after your brother for a bit?" He turned back to Tom, who gave a silent nod, then back toward Ellie who was turning to walk back to their beach towels. They sat down and she offered him bottled water as she took out one for herself. "You're quiet today, something wrong?"

He wondered if she noticed that he'd been staring at her this whole time, trying to etch these moments into his mind. "No, no, just…thinking, I suppose." She took out a camera and held it out to him. "What's this for?"

"This is our last trip to the beach, well, living here anyway. We found somewhere further inland and are saying our last goodbyes before we move." His heart sunk and he hoped to god that she couldn't see that in his features. "I wanted to capture the moments."

"You only asked me here to be your photographer?!" He tried to create humor out of the situation to distract himself from the feelings that were surfacing, but he ended up sounding a bit angrier than he wanted, and he could see her smile falter, so he continued, hoping to lighten the air. "Alright, but I better be getting paid for this, and you've got to refer me to all your friends and family." He emptied his pockets and placed his things near hers, stood up and offered his hand to her, and she took it, the smile back on her face as they walked over to her boys and their sandcastle.

"Alright, on three. Ready? One, two, three!" Click. The waves gently rolled behind them in the background and the wind swept up her hair creating the perfect picture. Or so he thought.

"Another one, another one." She pleaded, and right when he pressed the shutter for a second time, a huge wave came and crashed down on them, ruining the sandcastle in the process. When the picture appeared for review, he couldn't stop laughing at their faces when the water hit them. "Oh, you think it's funny do you?" He could barely hear her through his bouts of laughter. He noticed that she whispered something in Tom's ear and then got up and was walking toward him, probably saying 'let me see' or something to that extent that he still couldn't make out because he was laughing so hard. She took the camera out of his hands, and the next thing he knew, he was being drenched in water. Gravity took hold and he ended up on the sand, his body still overcome with laughter. He opened his eyes to see Tom and Fred with buckets in their hands, size differences noted of course, and Ellie snickering at him. "Oh we got to get a picture of this." She exclaimed, and then ran off to ask an elderly passerby to snap a pic of them, him slowly sitting up and futilely trying to dust the wet sand off of his clothes. Ellie ran back and put Fred on her lap as she and Tom sort of kneeled around him and the damaged sandcastle.

"Say cheese!" Click. "That's a lovely family you've got there." the woman said to Ellie as she handed the camera back.

"Oh thanks." He heard Ellie say with a smile on her face. "And thank you for taking the picture, we really appreciate it." The woman left and Ellie went back over to the three of them, looking at the picture in the camera, smiling. He loved her smile. "Look." She said fondly as she turned the camera around for the rest of them to see. They all were soaking wet, the sandcastle just a pile of wet sand next to them with Tom and Fred still holding their buckets. There was Ellie, with her signature smile now preserved forever, both in his mind and in the photograph. And there he was in the middle, a stranger to himself, a smile so wide it almost split his face and for the briefest of moments he wondered who the hell that man was and how the hell he got into their picture. "Come on, get up. You need to get out of those wet clothes. Still your fault for wearing a suit to the beach." She held her hand out for him to grab and he took it and brought himself upright. Right now was what mattered. The present, a gift to him, her smile, her company. He didn't think about the future or where they were headed. He held on to this moment, forever engraving it into his mind for the times that were to come.


	4. Still (pt 1)

It was moving day today, and she was not looking forward to it. Ever since she told him, they both just sort of ignored it, like if they didn't speak about it, it would never become a reality. But the day had finally arrived and she felt an unusual sense of dread toward it. She wanted to move, she wanted to get away from this town and the memories it held, and she wanted to give her kids a better life, a life that didn't consist of other children pointing at them and whispering to their friends. She hoped it would be better, she hoped this didn't follow her and her family around to wherever they tried to escape, but she had a feeling that she may never be able to get over it. She, _her children_ , were forever tainted.

Many people had asked her if she needed help with moving, but of course they were probably hoping she would say no, so of course she politely declined to save everyone the trouble. She did call him, though.

She wondered if maybe it would have been better to just make a clean break from town, and leave without saying goodbye or telling him exactly where she was going, to save her the tears of realizing that she was losing the one thing in her life that had gotten her through this. She didn't know if she would get worse without him because she was quite stable now, though she had been seeing him quite a lot. Still in his hotel room, with no indication that he was planning on moving out of that room anytime soon.

When he arrived, he was a bit more disheveled than she usually saw him. Still in the suit, but his shirt was half-tucked and his tie sloppily fixed around his neck. She was legitimately concerned that he did not own any other pieces of clothing. He was rubbing at his eyes, and yawning as he approached her.

"Oh come on, it's not that early." she said as she opened an arm up to guide him into the house. "Coffee?" The look he gave her after she asked that question was one to keep for the memory books. Oh how she never realized how much more grumpy he would be in the mornings, right after he woke up. "Well, it's the only thing going so drink or be tired."

"I'm awake already, I'll be fine." his words were slightly slurring as he sat down on the sofa and closed his eyes in a manner that was too long to be a blink. She prepared her coffee and took a seat on the sofa next to him. His eyes were permanently closed now, and she took the opportunity to drink every one of his features in, like a warm cup of coffee. She watched as he breathed in and out, and as his head slowly descended and jerked slightly up again, then he gave a big sigh and settled into the sofa cushions, placing the pillow that was at the end behind his head. She smiled to herself as she continued to watch him breathe for a while longer before she realized that it was creepy and she got up and went to the almost-packed boxes to make herself look and sound busy.

"Most everything is packed in these boxes, but some movers are coming by and they need to be loaded into the van when they get here." There was no response. She looked over to him and saw he had changed position and was now lying flat on the length of the sofa. She smiled and grabbed a blanket from one of the boxes and threw it over him.


	5. Still (pt 2)

He awoke to a strange feeling of a piece of fabric sliding across his body and looked down to see Fred clutching a blanket surrounded by his toys, beaming up at him. He sat up, groaned, and rubbed his eyes once more. As he stretched he heard her voice.

"Oh, sleeping beauty finally up then? Come on and help us, Tom has been doing most of the work here." He saw Tom come back inside with a red and sweat-glistened face. "It's alright sweetie, you can have a break now that Cinderella over here has woken up." Tom smiled and walked over to the kitchen where Lucy was with snacks and some lemonade, and Fred followed behind him, leaving the blanket and his toys on the ground.

He chuckled as he got up from the sofa. "That doesn't even make any sense, El."

"Well, come on. We've loaded most of the heavy stuff except for the sofa, and several boxes that need to be packed in my car…" She stopped for a moment like she was trying to remember if she forgot anything, and at the same time he noticed two uniformed men walk through the door behind her.

"Is the sofa ready, ma'am?"

"Yes, thank you." She turned her attention back toward him and the pile of boxes and motioned for him to get to work as the movers removed the sofa from the living room. He picked up a box and was walking toward the door when she stopped him. "You're just going to carry one box at a time then?" He rolled his eyes, sighed, then turned back toward her, and she placed another smaller, lighter box on top of the box he was carrying. "Don't drop anything. And when you come back, be sure to re-pack that blanket you were using for your beauty rest. Don't break anything, and make sure you pack it in as tightly as you can without damaging anything."

"Yes ma'am." They shared a smile and he was out the door.

….

He stared at the last box. It seemed to be staring back at him, taunting him, reflecting both his mind and body in its solitariness.

"Is that the last one?" He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of her voice and saw her walking toward him with her keys in hand, ready to go.

"Yep, last box. Are you getting ready to go?" He continued to look at the box, hands in his pockets, trying to be as emotionless as possible and wondering why it wasn't as easy as it used to be.

"Yes, and you're coming with me, so stop staring at the box and load it in the car."

"I'm-what?"

"Someone has to help unload. Don't think you're off the hook just because you packed what, like 5 boxes? Come on, let's go." He stood still in place, flabbergasted, and not sure of how to respond or even process this information. She had been quite secretive about where exactly she was moving to, and he thought it was because she didn't want anyone, not even him, to know where she'd end up. Maybe he was just remembering what he did after Sandbrook, though they eventually found him anyway. He couldn't lie low in a small, close-knit town, which before he arrived had virtually no crime at all, that had a murdered child lying on the beach.

He finally noticed that she was staring at him and wondered how long he had been inside his thoughts. He picked up the final box and turned to walk past her, still in place, still staring at him as he made his way to the door. She followed him, much to his relief, and got in the car as he packed the last box.

"I've packed some snacks in case you got hungry, though it's only about an hour away and you don't even seem to eat anyway." He got in the car and let out a half-laugh as she started it and left the driveway as the movers followed.

"We're coming back, right?" he hadn't meant for that thought to surface as actual words, but here they were, hanging in the air, and he had hoped that it was quiet enough that she hadn't heard.

"What is the matter with you?" She heard. He looked over to her and saw her eyebrows scrunched up though her eyes were focused on the road ahead. "Seriously, you've been acting strange all day."

"Oh don't mind me, stupid question, just, I, I mean, of course, you have to get the kids and lock up and-"

"Alec, you're babbling."

"Right. Sorry." He settled down and turned his attention from her to the window. There was a strange sort of feeling in the air and he could sense her staring at him through the corner of her eyes while keeping them focused on the road.

"So, I've been meaning to ask you but it just never really sounded like the right time…why are you still living at the Traders?" She was talking rapidly, as if talking any slower would give her time to change her mind about getting the words out.

"Is this…a conversation for a car ride because I don't-"

"Right-"

"I just don't want to-"

"It'd be distracting."

There was a silence that went on a bit too long, so he started rummaging in the snack bag to fill the air. He found a piece of chocolate and promptly unwrapped and placed it in his mouth while catching a glimpse of Ellie looking at him with a smile on her face. He stared at her for a moment longer, thinking that he had never seen a more beautiful profile of a person than right here, right now, and no sights passing them by through the window could measure up to it. She was so still, so calm, so focused, and he wondered why he was never aware of how _stunning_ she looked while driving. All the times he shared a car with her and he never noticed. He decided to look for a second longer before looking straight forward again, and closed his eyes as he sat back in the seat.


	6. Still (pt 3)

She had been driving in comfortable silence for a while now, and was only about 15 minutes away from her destination. She glanced over at him and he looked just as he did that morning on the sofa, eyes shut, chest rising and falling against the landscape whizzing by. This wasn't a coastal town, but it was beautiful nonetheless. The reds and yellows and browns and greens of autumn, the breeze carrying the fallen leaves through the air; it was a shame that he was missing it all.

"Are you just going to sleep your life away as these wonderful sights pass you by?" She wasn't expecting a response of anything more than a grunt, so she was surprised when she heard him speak.

"Yep, sounds like a plan." His voice was thick as he stretched his limbs and cracked his joints.

She hesitated for a moment. "Alec-"

"Wow, twice in the span of one hour, this better not be becoming a habit."

"Well, I just thought if I repeated it enough times you would get used to it. Is it working?

"Maybe." He turned away from her to finally look out the window.

She smiled. Unbeknownst to her, so did he.

….

After every box was unloaded and the movers paid and gone, she found herself in another prolonged moment of silence as he was helping her assemble her bed. She realized she was probably staring at him for too long when he spoke up.

"They gave me until the end of the year. Like some reward for solving the case, I don't know. Some reward that they won't even let me use the car anymore." He stopped what he was doing momentarily and looked up at her for a brief second before continuing. "By the end of December I either have to find another place to live or pay for the room myself. I figured I might as well stay there as long as they'll let me. Save money, or something."

"For your surgery?" He immediately shot up, his eyebrows furrowed with a frown on his face.

"I'm not having surgery." She looked at him like she wanted him to continue, to which he responded "I don't want to talk about it." She gazed at him for a while before deciding that she wasn't going to drop the subject, not this time.

"Pacemaker surgery isn't that risky, though. I looked into it." She paused. "Why don't you want to have the operation?"

"Because I'm-" he stopped midsentence as his face softened and voice lowered. "…scared." His eyes glistened and he jerked his head down as he got up from the floor. "I need a drink."

She got up with him, and stopped him from leaving the room by gently grabbing his arm. She stared at him for a bit while she held him, and then spoke. "I have some wine in a box somewhere." His attention turned to her with a confused look on his face. "Not boxed wine, real wine." She said as they shared a chuckle.

"It's noon, El."

"Never too early for wine."

His eyes were still a bit glassy and he hesitated a bit, using the time to search the features of her face before he finally muttered an 'okay' as the smile returned. She smiled back and ran her hand down his arm to entwine her fingers with his, lightly tugging him out the door.

….

She was drinking water, much to his protest because 'he didn't want to her to open a brand new bottle of wine just for him' though she reassured him that she was going to open it eventually anyway, while he seemed to relax a bit after each sip.

"It's how she died."

She wondered how his mind worked; he always seemed to bring back previous, seemingly ended, conversations, causing confusion multiple times throughout their discourse, like he enjoyed it. Over time, she got used to it, and prided herself in being able to decode it, _him_ , but this time she was quite puzzled, and waited for his inevitable clarification.

"Mum. She had heart problems as well, and that's what they told us. 'There are little to no complications… she'll have a fast recovery time…she can live a long, normal life,' etcetera, etcetera. They messed up. That's what I believe, anyway; it didn't hold up in court. They said she was at risk for complications from the beginning looking at her autopsy, though I don't believe that one bit." He gulped down the last of the liquid in his glass and made a face as it went down his throat. "I told you not to open up a bottle of wine for me…now you have to finish it before it goes bad."

"Nah, we'll finish it tonight." She took a sip of her water.

"Tonight?"

"Yeah, after I've gotten the kids and done all my driving for the day."

"Alright, let me rephrase that. We?"

She inhaled a large breath, like she needed all the air she could get in order to let out what she was about to say, and held it for a moment before she spoke actual words.

"I've been thinking." Another long breath in. "I want you to live with us."

"You sure you haven't been drinking vodka there, El?"

"I'm serious. You've been living in that hotel room for god knows how long, and from the looks of it you don't really have somewhere in mind to move to after the year runs out and I don't want you to be homeless."

"I'll be fine, I can manage. I have done for quite a while."

"But I don't know if I can." She hoped she said that quietly enough that he wouldn't hear, or would ignore it because it was too soft for him to discern actual words, but by looking at the way his expression changed, it was safe to say that he had heard. He looked like he was searching his mind for the right words to say, so she decided to put everyone out of their misery and fill the growing silence. "I don't want to say goodbye. Not to you. Not yet." He placed his hand over hers on the counter and squeezed.

"Me neither."

….

The car ride back was uneventful apart from the occasional car game that he randomly started and ended just the same. She dropped him off at the Traders to gather his things ("What, all _three_ suits you own? Do you sleep in them? Oh I forgot you don't sleep," to which he rolled his eyes and grinned as he got out of the car and said "You better come back for me.") as she went to her old house to get the kids and thank Lucy for all her trouble.

When she was strapping Fred in his car seat and Tom got in the car next to them, she decided to break the news.

"Tom, sweetie, you know Mr. Hardy has been helping me all day with the move?" he nodded as he buckled his seatbelt. "Well, he's going to be living with us, sweetheart." She awaited his response and tried to see what he was thinking through his facial features. Though, as she recently found out, there was a lot more to him than she could know. She thought about what Susan said. _If he's his father's son, what is he capable of?_ She tried not to, especially since Nige didn't turn out to be anything wrong, though she didn't really want Tom to be like Nige either. She was pulled out of her thoughts abruptly.

"He is, isn't he!?" Tom exclaimed. "He's replacing dad!"

"No, sweetie, no not at all, he's not replacing anyone, darling. He needs a place to stay because he doesn't have a home." Tom was crying out of frustration and he tried to hide it but she finished strapping Fred in and went around to Tom's side to hug him. "It's alright honey, it's okay." She pulled back to look at his face, head held in hand. "Why are you crying, darling?"

"I still love Dad." He wiped his eyes on his sleeve.

"I know sweetie, I know." She hugged him again as he was trying to end his cry with ragged breaths. After he settled down as she ran smoothing hands down his back, she continued. "I'm going to ask you to be nice to Mr. Hardy though; he thinks that you don't like him."

"I don't." He responded quickly and she let out a tearful laugh.

"Well, I would really appreciate it if you could try. Can you do that for me?" She pulled away and stared at him again.

"Okay." He smiled. She responded with the same as she ruffled his hair and kissed his cheek. Her phone beeped as she closed the car door.

 _All packed. Waiting inside. Call when you get here._

She smiled. For one last time, she pulled out of the driveway of her old house, of her old life, leaving the town that had been her home for as long as she can remember. She was moving on to better things, off to make new memories. And the best part was that she didn't have to go through it alone.


	7. Breathe

She was on that edge of consciousness, teetering between reality and not when she felt the bed shift. There was a chill in the air and she felt cold hands through the fabric of her nightgown. They were now on her neck, and she couldn't breathe as they were getting tighter and tighter…then his face appeared from view, those blue eyes piercing into her like glass. She struggled to speak, to breathe; she tried so hard to open her eyes, tried to force herself to wake up and succeeded for a moment, seeing a flash of warm, brown, but snapped right back into her dream, this nightmare, the life escaping her body as his grip tightened, and she could hear her name being called in the distance.

 _Ellie…_

Another set of hands as the other set faded: warm, protective, soothing, familiar.

"Ellie, it's me, I'm here, it's okay."

Brown eyes. Warm, brown, comforting eyes holding her, imploringly. Eyes glistening in the soft moonlight as she felt the moisture around her own. She inhaled a large breath in, savoring the feeling of her lungs being full, and exhaled just the same until she calmed down. Eyes and hands still holding her, wiping her tears away. She raised her hands up to grab at his shirt before noticing that it wasn't a suit.

"Ah, so you do have other clothes." she chuckled as she buried her face and pulled him closer to her, needing the contact. He stiffened for the briefest of moments before responding with just as much, or even more fervor, breathing her in like he was recovering from being strangled as well.

They breathed together as the seconds ticked by, and maintained contact with their hands after they pulled away.

"You could hear me all the way from the other room?" She asked, wiping her tears away with one hand as he held on to the other.

"No, I- I ca- I, um…" He looked like a lost puppy before he hung his head down and she felt him caressing her hand. He looked up again, a tear trail gleaming in the starlight. "We were driving, ended up at a service station. We got out of the car and you smiled, then you were gone. Lying on the ground in your own blood…I watched you as you took your last breath." She squeezed his hand. "I came in to check on you, to make sure that it was just a nightmare."

He stared at her like he was waiting for something, for her to share why she seemed to have trouble with regulating her breathing, but she was hesitant. A few moments later and finally she spoke up.

"Joe was strangling me." She whispered as softly as she could, like speaking his name would somehow release him from prison and summon him there. She looked back into his eyes, and felt a strange smile inhabit her face as she let out a chuckle. "Sometimes…most times, actually, I wonder why he didn't just take me instead. It would have been easier to solve the case; he'd be the first suspect."

Even after all this time, she still wasn't used to his eyes. So inviting, so understanding, so caring, almost too much, and she didn't know how to handle the intensity. She didn't know if she ever would, and she hoped that she never did. She hoped that every time she looked at him she would be taken in and enveloped with smooth, indulgent, dark chocolate brown, such a contrast to the cold and empty blue eyes she grew used to.

"Where would your kids be without you?" He never broke eye contact, never blinked.

She sighed. "I suppose you're right. I just don't und-"

"Stop trying to understand, El."

There was a long pause before she let herself fall back into the pillow, their hands disconnecting at last.

"Why are we having bad dreams? Do you think it's the house?" He shifted position to sit upright at the head of the bed next to her.

"It was probably the wine." They shared a good laugh, and when they settled down and the silence was growing louder, she felt the bed shift again. "I should probably go back, let you get some rest."

"You don't have to leave if you don't want. I mean, you're not making me uncomfortable or anything. And at the risk of sounding cliché, the bed's big enough."

"I'll keep that in mind." She could see the outline of his smile in the darkness. "See you in the morning." He walked out the door and she settled back under the covers, drifting off once again.

When she awoke that morning, he was sleeping right next to her.


	8. Petty Argument

"Well did you leave the lid off; is there any way it could have gotten out?" He yelled as quietly as possible to Tom across rooms, trying hard not to wake Ellie.

"I put the lid on before I went to sleep, and he's not an it, his name is Wolfgang."

He sighed. "Okay, well you just keep looking in your room, and I'll check your mum's bedroom."

"You can't tell her!"

"I'll try not to, but it's going to be hard if it- _he's_ crawling on her face, don't you think? Go on, before she wakes up, go." Tom retreated back to his room as he slowly opened the door to the bedroom, holding a container just in case. Sure enough, Ellie had an unwelcome visitor with her in bed.

 _Shit._

He was about to herd it into the container when she opened her eyes, slowly at first.

"Shh, it's okay; I have the situation unde-"

"Alec Hardy what the fuck is a spider doing in my bed!?" She tried to whisper but it came out as a soft yell that increased in volume as the sentence went on. "And my Tupperware?!"

"I know, I'm sorry, I-" Tom came in when he heard the commotion, so he handed Tom the container with his pet inside, lid tightly shut, and whispered for him to go back to his room. Tom left, and before he could turn around, he heard "What are you doing? Why are you giving him the spider? What is going on?"

He inhaled a large breath in, then exhaled, his throat catching slightly. "We went to the pet store after school yesterday, and he really wanted it, so I got it for him."

"Oh, of course, because if I say he can't have something, he'll just go to you and you'll hand it to him on a silver platter!" She grabbed the pillow from behind her, shoved it in her face and screamed in frustration. He didn't know what to do but just wait until she calmed down, careful to keep his distance. "Maybe I should have just hired a babysitter and made you come with me to the station, I'm sure they have jobs-"

"No." He paused, watching her face change at the sudden intrusion. "I was invalided out, nobody will take me now. And going from detective inspector to what…janitor? Besides, I wouldn't want to steal your job again." She grinned. "Have they promoted you yet?"

She groaned in disgust. "No. And I'm more qualified than all of them put together."

"Well, it hasn't even been a week, El. I'm sure you'll get it." They smiled.

"Come on then, let me get dressed. I hope you can get a refund on that thing." She got out of the bed and started fixing the sheets.

"The store did give me a pretty lenient return policy; the woman that was helping us said that spiders weren't the pet for everyone, and she would understand if I brought it back. I also think she kind of fancied me." She laughed, which in turn put a smile on his face, then sighed.

"You know, you don't have to buy him things in order to get him to like you."

"Well then, what am I supposed to do instead? He doesn't like me; I think he's made that quite clear."

"Spend time with him, talk with him. I think he might just want to feel like he can talk to you without it seeming like you're interrogating him." He looked down and she settled her hand on his arm. "You can start by telling him we have to take the spider back."

"His name is Wolfgang." He looked up at her and she had an incredulous look on her face and he couldn't help but grin. She let her hand drop and crossed the room to the closet where she grabbed some clothes.

"I can't believe you let him name it."

He stared for a moment longer before he moved toward the door. "Anyway, I'll let you get ready in peace."

"Alec?" He turned in the doorway as she closed the distance between them, clothes in hand, and her voice dropped to a low whisper. "Don't tell him that we might get a new pet. One with less legs, perhaps?"

"What were you thinking? And don't say puppy because let's not forget who is going to have to take care of it." He motioned to himself.

She scoffed. "Of course you'd be a cat person." She moved back toward the center of the room, and he followed.

"What is that supposed to mean?" They ended up standing at the side of the bed, next to the nightstand.

"No, you know what, you're right, I'd say you're more like a hedgehog."

"Why, because I have a prickly outside?"

"And a soft belly." She moved in to poke him and he flinched. "Are you ticklish?"

"No…" She pounced on him and they ended up on the bed, writhing about as she continued to tickle him. "El-he-li-he-ehehehe" He continued to involuntarily react to the sensation as her laughs grew in intensity, which lessened the hold she had on him. He used this to flip them over, pinning her hands so she couldn't reach him anymore. They calmed down together, him slowly releasing the grip he had on her hands as they stared at each other. He had an urge to kiss her senseless, so he abruptly got up and dusted imaginary flecks off his clothes as he moved toward the door, turning his face away from her to hide his blush. "You should get ready; I'll go talk to Tom."

She caught up to him as he reached for the door handle and put her arms around his neck, presumably standing on the tips of her toes to hug him. "I promise I won't tickle you anymore." She let go and whispered once more. "And don't tell him about the puppy we're going to get." He turned around to protest, but she was already gone to the other room. He rolled his eyes and let out a chuckle as he went to tell Tom the bad news.


	9. Painting the Town Red (pt 1)

She had persuaded him to go out tonight, and after much stalling and protests of 'I don't have anything to wear', he found himself looking at his reflection in the mirror. He was back in his suit and tie; it took him to another place, another time, and he shook his head in an attempt to rattle those unpleasant memories out of his mind.

"There he is, back in his suit." He turned around and she was smiling as she approached him. "I think you can lose the tie though, you're not going to a business meeting." She was wearing a simple black dress with red lips that matched her heels. Instead of the usual clips she wore in her hair, a headband took its place, a sequined black flower embellishing the side of her head.

She gently undid his tie and held it out to him. "The neighbors are here already, so we should get going soon." She turned around and headed toward the door.

"Where are we going, exactly?" He asked as he followed her out the room.

"Just out on the town. Haven't you ever done this before? I bet you had a wild and crazy side when you were in your twenties, didn't you?"

In fact, he hadn't. He joined the police force when he was 19, met his ex-wife a few years later, and then they had their daughter. There was no room to go out and party, nor did he ever really want to. He wondered if that was one of the reasons why his wife was dissatisfied with him.

"I promise it'll be fun. And if, at any point, it stops being fun, we can come straight home, okay?" She smiled at him reassuringly. He returned the smile and led her out the hall and into the main room.

Their neighbors were an older couple whose kids had already grown up and left home, and, according to Ellie, they leaped at the chance of being able to babysit Tom and Fred for the night. He went to the front door while Ellie was going over her guidelines once again, giving each of her boys a kiss on the head as she caught up to him and walked outside the door.

The neighbors spoke up just as they were leaving. "You two kids have fun! We'll be sure to take care of your little ones." He gave an awkward farewell smile and followed Ellie out the door.

….

They finally arrived at a bar not too far a walk from where their house was, and he got a spot for them far enough away from the majority of already drunk twenty-somethings while she got their drinks.

"Look, it's karaoke night tonight! I brought the song list." She exclaimed as she handed him his drink. "We should do a duet." He almost choked on his drink and she laughed, attention still focused on the track list in front of her. "I just wanted to see your reaction."

"Are you going up there, then?" He took another sip of his drink.

"Yeah, I think I have to. What should I do then, Britney?"

He laughed. "Go ahead then. I'll be your own little cheerleading section." Her eyes sparkled as she got up. He watched her as the equipment was set up, and she gave one last smile in his direction before the music started.

He watched as she moved with the beat, a bit unsure at first, her eyes glued to the screen where the lyrics were. After the first few verses, she physically seemed to ease up; her movements were less rigid and there was that smile that would illuminate the dimly lit bar as the flower in her hair reflected off the spotlights. He didn't have a clue about what song she was singing, but judging from the reaction of the crowd, she was doing quite well.

"She's a bit rough, isn't she?" It took time for him to process that he heard that statement, and then he turned to his left to see a woman sitting next to him, in the seat that Ellie had just occupied.

He quickly moved Ellie's drink closer to him, making as minimal eye contact as possible. "What, you're not going to share? What are you drinking anyway?" He tried to tune her out, to focus his attention on Ellie, but it was harder than it seemed. She was wearing a heavily sequined red top that looked like it was ran through a paper shredder due to the fringe on the bottom half of it, and a tight black skirt with pink heels. He gulped down some of his drink in order to have an excuse for not talking to her, to see if she got the hint, but she persisted.

"Must be really good then." She seemed to move closer to him, her blonde hair invading his peripheral vision. "So, what's a fella as handsome as you doing in a bar like this?"

"I'm not alone." He responded in a monotone voice.

She gasped dramatically. "He speaks!" He could see her sinister smile as she moved even closer, crowding him against the wall. "You don't have to play hard to get, I'm already interested. And I don't see a ring on your finger, so anything goes, am I right?"

He heard the crowd erupt in applause and cheers, and saw Ellie beaming as she stepped down from the platform and began her way back to him, just in the nick of time. He stood up just as she approached.

"Ah, hand me my drink!" Ellie said, slightly out of breath from the adrenaline. He obliged, and as soon as his hand left her glass, it reached up to cup her face as he kissed her.


	10. Painting the Town Red (pt 2)

Applause rang in her ears as she stepped down from the microphone and made her way back to her seat. The rush she felt was like no other high she felt before, and she was the happiest she had been in what seemed like a long while. She seemed to float back to her seat, and him, and she saw him stand up as she got closer.

"Ah, hand me my drink!" She exclaimed as she finally reached her seat, noticing briefly that it was now occupied. He handed her her drink, with a wide grin on his face that matched hers. The next thing she felt was those grins pressed against each other.

"You were really good, darling. Are you ready to go?" He said as their lips parted. He left an aftertaste of his own drink in her mouth, and she barely had time to mutter out an 'oh, sure' before he started guiding her toward the exit.

"Who was that?" She asked as his hand was on the small of her back, gently pushing her along.

"Nobody, let's just go."

"Wait, let me finish my drink." She finally pulled away from him and settled in an open spot at the bar. She sipped her drink and felt him sit next to her and sigh.

"I'm sorry, El. You really did do a great job up there."

"Oh did I, _darling_?" she jokingly replied, nudging him in the side.

"Agh, she was pestering me. Why do people think they can just come up and talk to you when they don't even know you?"

She chuckled. "Well, bars are usually a social place to hang out." She paused for a bit as she took another sip. "And thanks."

There was an air of silence after they shared a smile and as she finished her drink. A thought lingered in the back of her mind, one that encouraged her to keep her mouth occupied with her glass because she could still feel him, his lips, like his ghost, his soul was still hanging on. She let her lips rest on the rim of the glass for moments after she consumed the last of her drink, then set it down, the glass stained with traces of her lipstick. She got up from her seat and held out her arm for him to link with, but he ignored it and put his hand around her shoulder as he got up, which then travelled down her arm and around her waist in a manner of guiding her toward the exit.

The cool air hit them unexpectedly as they made it outside, his hand dropping to his side. "So how did it feel, being up there, all eyes on you?"

Her smile crept back onto her face, though it felt like it never left. "Yeah, it was wonderful. You should try it sometime. It gives you a high like no other."

"Nah, I think I'll stick with my cocaine and heroin, thanks." He replied. She chuckled.

"Careful, I might have to arrest you for saying things like that."

"Oh really, Miss Detective Inspector?" he challenged, hands in his pockets.

"Just Detective Inspector, thank you. And yes, really." They exchanged a smile. "But I won't. Too much paperwork."

They walked in comfortable silence for a while, the breeze following along with them, and the sky was as clear as day. She spotted a dirt trail under the trees that looked like it led to a hill on the other side of them.

"Come on." She grabbed his hand and led him down the trail. It was dark, and she could barely see the moonlight through the trees as she made her way through. He hadn't let go of her hand, even when they reached the bottom of the hill, so she untangled her fingers from his. He turned to her, like he only just realized that he'd been holding onto her hand for that long, and she laid a hand on his shoulder to steady herself as she took off her heels.

She took off up the hill without him, heels in hand, and let out a little breath that she had been unknowingly holding as she heard him follow. When she reached the apex of it, she looked up at the star-filled, midnight blue sky, dropped her heels and sat down. His gasp broke the peaceful silence of nature and it startled her a bit. "What's the matter?"

"What about grass stains or dirt or bugs-"

"I'm sure your suit will be fine. If not, you have a spare, don't you?" She watched as he grimaced and sat down next to her, face still contorted, and she laughed.

"Do you know how difficult it is to get grass stains out of a suit? It's near impossible, let me tell you."

"Then don't go rolling around in any grass." She was going to ask when or why he had to get grass stains out of his suit, but decided against it, not wanting to ruin the present moment with haunts of the past, and just settled on letting out a laugh as she lay down. After a while, she spoke up again.

"There's supposed to be a meteor shower tonight."

She stayed staring up at the sky as he turned and looked down to her. "Was this your plan all along? Get me out of the house so we could watch stars falling out of the sky?"

"I used to have so many places in Broadchurch that I would go to, to just escape when I was younger." She felt him settle next to her, his whole body turned toward her as he waited for her to continue. "Even more recently, too. Just-" She stopped, remembering the last time. It was about a week before the trip to Florida, and Joe said he was going to the pub with some friends, and she didn't want those memories resurfacing; she didn't want to think about where he actually was that night.

She didn't realize she was crying until she felt him wipe away her tears.

She turned to look at him, but something in the distance caught her eye, and she sat up. "Look."

He stared at her for a while longer before complying, and there amongst the dark blue backdrop peppered with bright, white stars was the first meteor of the night.

"Make a wish."

She closed her eyes as tight as they could go, like if she didn't, her wish wouldn't come true, and wished for a happy and healthy life for her kids, for him, for herself, and she wished that there was some hope for her, she wished that she'd be able to stop trying to understand, but she couldn't, not even after all the times that he told her to. She opened her eyes to see him gazing at her instead of the lightshow all around them, and she smiled. "What was your wish?"

"I can't tell you that, then it won't come true." He lay back down on the grass and she followed soon after, sighing as her back hit the ground. They enjoyed the near silence together as they watched the sky fall in front of them, just the rustle of the leaves and each other's breathing sounding in their ears.

"I wanted to be an astronaut when I was younger."

She immediately turned toward him and there he was, just staring up at the stars, and she wanted to know more, she wanted to know everything about him, and she felt a fondness in her heart that took her by surprise because of the intensity, so she turned back to look at those same stars to bring her back to earth.

"It's just the immense size of it all, being out among the stars…knowing that I'm part of a vast universe probably teeming with life."

She turned back to look at him, her whole body facing him this time, a reverse of what they were before. "What happened?"

"It's not practical, is it? I'd probably just be sitting in simulated space stations and giving tours to young, misguided children just like I was." He turned to look at her. "Plus, I wouldn't have met you."

They stared and smiled at each other for a bit before she spoke up again. "We better go relieve the neighbors; it looks like the show is over." She sat up and grabbed her heels as he stood up and offered a hand to help her.

"Oh, thanks." She said as she laid the shoes in his outstretched hand. "Race you to the bottom!" She shouted, leaving him in the dust. When he finally arrived at the bottom of the hill, heels in hand, she took them from him and steadied herself on him to put them back on. She entwined their fingers together again as they made it back through the trees.

The rest of the walk was spent in blissful silence until they arrived home. They quietly walked in the door and she bid the neighbors farewell, but noticed funny grins on their faces as they left.

"That was strang- Alec!" She exclaimed as she covered her mouth with her hand.

"What, do I have something on my face?"

She led him over to the mirror and turned on the light, and she watched his face quickly turn into surprise as he noticed his lips were stained red, the same colour as hers.


	11. Night

She had promised Alec and the kids that she'd be home early tonight, and they would get to have some fun with the new video game system that she had gotten Tom for his birthday, but just as she was about to leave, _eight hours ago_ , a case came in and it took a while to get sorted out. She texted him then saying she'd be a few hours late, but now here she was driving back home at midnight, grumbling under her breath about the incompetencies of the people around her.

She finally arrived home and took off her coat, noticing a dim light coming from the living room, and she mentally chastised him for staying up so late waiting up for her. A soft melody was playing as she approached closer, and a second, almost imperceptible blue-tinted light caught her gaze, and she could see brown floppy hair over the back of the couch, in front of the television still displaying a menu screen. She turned the tv off, then turned around to the sleeping figure behind her, but was surprised to see not one, or two, or three, but four sleeping bodies all scattered across the length of the sofa.

Tom was curled up at one end with his brother close by, eyes still flickering like he was trying to fight it. Alec was at the other end, head back, mouth open, and a cute white and brown puppy head in his lap. She smiled as she scooped up Fred in her arms and gently woke Tom so he could go to his room, startling the other two awake.

"Good morning." He groaned, yawning and stretching his arms, but having a difficult time with the ball of energy jumping on him.

"Good night." She replied, giving him a chaste kiss on the forehead before carrying Fred to her room.


	12. Nothing Can Compare

It was the little things. Like the way she would go quiet when watching a film because she was trying to hold her tears in, yet they silently fell down her cheek anyway. It was the way she would pick up a piece of popcorn and nearly miss her mouth because she was so engrossed in the scenes in front of her. The journey from the bowl to her mouth was agonizingly slow, stilling for a long moment just before she swiftly placed it on her tongue, and even more slow as she was trying to time her crunches between dialogue. Her eyes would widen when there was an action sequence, and he felt his own eyes mimic the action while watching her. It was how, by the end of it, she always found that same spot on his shoulder and he would ruin the moment, accidentally jerking her awake because he still wasn't used to the contact.

Sometimes, she would put her hand on his heart, always looking up at him for a split second with fear when the next beat didn't arrive as quickly as she anticipated, then letting out a sigh when it finally thrummed against her palm. She would take his own hand and run her finger along one of his, somehow measuring the length of it. Oftentimes he was ordered - asked nicely - to say something, anything, so she could hear his accent. It was how she threaded her fingers through his hair and continued the path behind his ear, like she was mapping all of the ways he was different from _him_. He convinced himself he wasn't just a replacement, that she had her own way of grieving and healing _with_ him, not using him. Together, as they mended each other.

It was the way she said his name that he knew he wasn't being compared.


	13. There's No Place Like Home

Over time, she noticed that he had become much more comfortable around her, judging by the way she never seemed to awake to an empty spot next to her in bed. Today though, his arms were wrapped around her, her back against his chest, and his nose in her hair. She closed her eyes and settled back against him, only to be rudely greeted by an alarm a few moments later. She let it go on for a while longer than normal, then turned it off, sighing as she tried to get up from the bed. The task was more difficult than she imagined, because his grip tightened around her every time she moved.

"Alec, I have to go to work."

He groaned. "Take it off." He said as he clutched on to her nightgown.

"What?" She whispered in a small, panicked voice.

"The day. Take the day off of work." He mumbled into her hair, pulling her flat against him.

She sighed again, considering his suggestion for a proper moment before coming to her senses. "I can't, think of what that'll look like. Certainly not professional."

He just groaned in response.

"I'll tell you what, why don't you come with me?"

 _"Ellll…"_ He whined as she managed to pull away from him.

"Come on, I'm not taking no for an answer." She grabbed his hand and tried to pull him out of bed, but he ended up getting the upper hand, quite literally, and pulled her closer to him. "Alec…"

"Just stay here for a couple more minutes." He placed her hand over his heart, then placed his hand over hers. She felt herself give into temptation, because how could she say no to this, this _sincerity_ , and she settled back next to him.

"You get five minutes, Alec Hardy." He breathed against her hairline in response. "And then you're coming with me to work." She felt him sigh and slowly pull his face away from hers and he sat up, running a hand through his hair.

"Fine, let's go then. It doesn't seem like I've changed your mind. Might as well get this over with." He said as he pulled back the covers and swung his legs around to sit on the edge of the bed, rubbing his eyes.

"I honestly don't understand why you're so reluctant." She asked as she sat up next to him.

"Well, what about the kids? Or Lily?"

"I think Lily's old enough to stay by herself now, don't you? We'll leave out food and water and you can come back during lunch and-"

"Okay, fine, fine, the dog's taken care of. And the kids?"

"Tom's in school most of the day, and we can bring Fred with us; there's an on-site day care." There was a moment of silence before she spoke up again. "In fact, they've been looking for some more help, so that might-"

"No."

The sudden interruption took her by surprise, then he spoke up again. "I'm not going to be taking care of someone else's kids."

She looked at him quizzically, and he looked back at her just as confused.

"…You take care of _my_ kids?" She watched his face as the crease in his brow dissolved and his eyes softened, then she finally got up from the bed.

"That's- that's not what I- I mean- that's…different."

"It's fine, Alec. Let's just get dressed. I'm going to be late." She gathered her clothes and went to go change before she heard him speak.

"Suit and tie?"

She smiled to herself, then turned around, sharing the smile with him. "Just suit. No tie."

He gasped in a dramatic manner. "But I don't want to be unprofessional."

She rolled her eyes at him, trying to disguise her smile as annoyance. "Just get dressed." She caught a glimpse of his grin as she turned back around.


	14. Interlude

A/N: forewarning this chapter is basically just mild smut

* * *

He picked her up and stumbled a bit, surprised at his own strength, and held on to her legs around him as she gripped his shoulders, an incredulous look on her face. It seemed like his own legs started moving without him as she crashed her lips back to his, and they made their way back to the bedroom. _His_ bedroom. The one that had rarely been used since they moved here, with its pristine bed sheets and neatly arranged fluffed pillows.

He gently set her down, moving one hand from behind her thighs to behind her head, and he got on the bed with her, kissing her all the while. He moved from her lips to her neck and she moaned the most delicious sound he had ever heard, then made a little gasp, like she was surprised at her reaction to his touch. He chuckled, then moved lower, unbuttoning her blouse as he trailed her body with kisses. Her skin felt like silk under his hands, his beard such a rough contrast to the smoothness beneath.

When he reached her slacks and started undoing them, he felt her tense. "Alec, wait." He stopped, laying his hands around her waist and moving his body to look straight at her.

"Y-you don't have to…do…that." She said as she lowered her face.

He moved his hand from her waist to her hair and gently placed a kiss on her lips.

"Do you know how long I've been wanting to taste you?" He heard her breath hitch. He paused, staring into her eyes as he stroked her hair. "Do _you_ want me to?"

The moment he waited for her response felt like an eternity. Eventually, she gave an almost imperceptible nod and breathed out a _"god, yes"_ before he attacked her lips then continued his path downward.

….

He removed her clothing with such tenderness that she felt like she was going to explode. He stopped once more, and she looked down at him to find him staring up at her, waiting for a confirmation, so she gave him one and opened herself up to him completely.

He gave her one last kiss below her bellybutton and…

 _"Alec,"_ she sighed, hands grasping the flattened bed sheets and crumpling them between her fingers. His facial hair tickled her in the most delightful way, and she arched up to meet him, wanting _more_ , her hands gliding to his head in an effort to make that happen. She gave a light tug on his hair and he _growled,_ vibrations radiating throughout her entire body, sending her over the edge.

When she finally opened her eyes, she saw him on her chest, head in hands, looking up at her with doting eyes and an affectionate grin on his face.

"Better?"

She took his hands in hers and kissed him, then grinned. "Almost."

She flipped him over and then she was straddling him, undoing the buttons on his shirt. She could feel his length through his trousers, and she rubbed herself against him, earning a moan. _"El,"_ he breathed out as she reached his zipper, pulling them down and off his legs, releasing him in the process.

She looked up at him, but before she could say anything he was reaching over to a box on the bedside table and pulled out a condom.

" _That's_ not conspicuous at all." she said, sarcastically. He didn't reply, and just handed it to her with an intense look in his eyes. Her breath caught in her throat.

She didn't exhale until he was finally inside her.

She went slow, memorizing the way he felt, the way she felt, the way they felt _together_ , but was soon distracted as she felt him getting antsy beneath her, trying to restrain himself because it was her turn to have control.

"Tell me what you want, Alec."

"You." His hands were on her thighs and she went down to kiss him. While there, he whispered in her ear. _"Harder."_

She complied, setting the tempo while he was right there with her, matching each others thrusts and creating a masterpiece so glorious she could feel standing ovations from the nonexistent crowd.

When she came for a second time that afternoon, so did he.


	15. Hold Me Tight

She watched as he grew ever more frustrated with the decorations, strips of tinsel in his hands reflecting off of the lights.

"Ugh…ARGH!" He threw his hands in the air, the tinsel falling on him like rain.

She looked fondly at his grumpy face and moved to hold him in her arms. "Aww." She held him for a while as he buried his face in her hair. "You're going to have to clean all this up." She whispered in his ear as she tried to brush the silvery decoration off of his clothes. He responded by pushing his nose further into her head.

"There's no point to it though, it just…hangs off the tree and makes it look messy." He mumbled into her hair as he began to loosen his grip on her.

"Well, it doesn't have to look messy. Not if you do it right." She said as she finally pulled away from him.

He just sighed as he began to pick the strips up from the floor. Lily was not helping as she pranced around him, dressed in her special holiday collar that jingled every time she moved. Hardy looked up at her, annoyance displayed across his entire face, and she gave out a sympathetic chuckle.

"Come on Lily, Daddy doesn't seem too happy right now." She cooed as she picked Lily up and held her in her arms. At the same time, Fred came toddling in holding a glittering piece of green and red paper held together with copious amounts of glue. Tom was following right behind him, holding a cleaner, neater version of the same materials, trying not to step on the glitter that was falling off of Fred's work.

"Oh, that's lovely darling. Why don't you guys go put them on the tree?" Tom obliged, helping his brother put the ornament on a higher branch next to his own.

"I'm going to take a break." Alec declared as he threw the pieces of tinsel in the bin.

"Okay. I'll come check on you later." Ellie said as she put Lily back on the ground and gently ran her hand down his arm. He nodded with his back turned toward her and sulked off to his room in a way that served as a fleeting reminder of the past. She turned back around before she could watch him leave the room and began helping her boys with decorating the tree.

….

"Alec?" She said quietly as she knocked on his closed door. When no response came, she lightly knocked once more. "Alec, can I come in?" She was about to walk away before she heard a weak, almost indiscernible 'yes' come from his room and she carefully opened the door.

He was on his bed over the covers, clutching his phone to his chest, his wallet out in front of him open to the picture of his daughter. As she moved closer, she could see his wet eyes and tear-stained cheeks, and she gently took his phone out of his hands and placed it on the nightstand. Her arms found their way around him and she just held him in silence.

"I thought…" He drifted off as his voice cracked and he laid his head on her shoulder, burying his face into her neck to try to conceal the fresh tears that were forming in his eyes. She shifted a bit so his head was lying on her chest as she started threading her fingers through his hair in an effort to soothe him.

"Sorry I didn't help much with decorating. I hope you left something for me to do." He mumbled into her blouse.

"We still need to put the star on the top of the tree. Tom and I tried, but we weren't tall enough. I suspect we'll both have some nasty bruises come morning."

He chuckled against her and she smiled. She felt his hands start moving in small circles on her side through her blouse, then making their way underneath to touch skin as they continued their movements toward her front. Just as she was relaxing into his touch, they heard a knock at the door.

"Mum?" Tom's voice came from the other side. Alec removed himself from their entanglement, albeit very slowly and reluctantly, and sat himself on the opposite side of the bed.

"Yes, sweetie, you can come in." She said, after fixing her blouse and trying to smoothen out Alec's hair.

He cracked open the door so only a fraction of his body could be seen in the door frame. "I was just wondering if we're going to put the star up."

"Yeah, let's go right now." Alec replied, getting up from the bed.

"Are you sure, Alec? Because you don't have-"

"Yes, I'm sure." He flashed a small smile to her. "Come on Tom." He guided Tom out of the room and she followed soon after.

"There you go, grab the thing and on you get." He told Tom, squatting down so he could easily climb on his shoulders.

"Careful! I don't want to have to be rushing anyone to the emergency room in this weather." Ellie exclaimed as she hovered over the both of them, supervising the action.

"Ah, we'll be fine." Hardy replied as Tom finally got into position, star in hand. "You ready?" Tom nodded while she shook her head and held her breath.

"One… two… three." He grunted as he rose from the ground, Tom on his shoulders, and wobbled a bit which caused her to stand directly in front of them and she put her hands on his waist as a means of steadiness.

Once the initial moment of panic wore off, their eyes found their way back to each other and she could swear that she could see everything that he was thinking. His eyes told her that she was his rock, his support, his constant. She was someone to pick him up when he fell down, someone to prevent him from falling in the first place. She could see all of that, hear all of that, read all of that in his eyes because she knew exactly how it felt. He was just as much hers.

"Can I get down now?"

They both blushed as he lowered himself again, her hands staying close to the both of them in case of disaster. Once down, Tom grabbed his hot chocolate from the kitchen and retreated back to his bedroom.

"I'm gonna go put Fred to sleep." She said as she picked her baby up from the garland he was wrapping himself in. "Feel free to help yourself to hot chocolate, there's plenty left."

"Will do." He grinned at her as she turned around to the hallway.

….

Fred went down relatively quickly due to all of the excitement from the day, and she gave one last look to his sleeping form before turning off the lights.

"El!" She heard Alec exclaim from the living room.

"Yeah?" She whisper-yelled as she tried to quietly close the door.

"I think you forgot a decoration and I don't know where to put it."

"Well what is it?" She replied, finally turning to leave the bedroom. She heard no response. "Alec?"

When she arrived back in the living room she saw him holding a branch of mistletoe above his head. She slightly rolled her eyes and tried to hide her enormous grin as she moved toward him. "Where'd you get that?"

"I don't think the tradition is asking a bunch of questions when you happen to find yourself under some mistletoe."

"No? What's the tradition then?" She challenged.

"This." He tossed the mistletoe aside in favor of putting his hands on both sides of her face and kissed her deeply.

When he pulled away, she grinned. "Good tradition, I think we can keep that one going."

He smiled and then kissed her again.


	16. Let Your Heart Be Light

She will never understand just exactly how she convinced him to put on the costume and go through with this, yet here he was, dressed to the nines in red with white fur lining the borders, a long white beard covering his own, and a wide black belt holding the fabric (with a large pillow underneath) close to his body. The beard was covering his entire mouth so she couldn't see his expression, but as he moved closer into the dimmed lights in the living room she could see his eyes twinkle; the skin around them wrinkling like it does when he laughs. He was carrying a large green sack on his back that he promptly placed on the floor beneath the tree and he sat down on the couch, holding out his hand in an effort for her to follow. She put her hand in his and moved to sit down in the space next to him when he pulled her onto his lap.

"Alec!" She giggled.

"Who? He sounds very handsome." She rolled her eyes. "Although, I think I may have seen his name on the naughty list." His words were slightly muffled by the thick beard so she reached behind his ear and unhooked it, finally freeing his mouth.

"Ah, careful. I'm not opposed to making last minute changes." They both grinned before kissing each other, her pulling off his hat so she could stroke his hair.

"Come on, let's put the presents out before they wake up."

She got up off of his lap and started pulling gifts out of the bag, placing them under the tree as he soon followed suit. There were a lot of rectangular (with some other strange shaped) boxes that were wrapped neatly in green and red paper, and a few gift bags that were surprisingly heavier than they looked. She came across a stocking with a paw print on it, presumably holding dog treats within, and she looked over to him with fondness. His brow was furrowed as he was concentrating on how to stack the presents so they wouldn't topple over, which was very amusing as he still had the suit and pillow attached to his body. Once satisfied, he smiled and looked over to her.

"Is that all of them?" she asked.

"Not quite." He said, reaching into the suit and pulling out a small wrapped box, offering it to her. "For you."

She stood in place with a surprised look on her face. "I thought we said no presents for each other, just the kids. I didn't get you anything." She said as he finally handed the box over to her.

"That's alright. I just… saw this the other day and thought of you." She smiled at him. "Go on, open it."

She unwrapped the gift to reveal a velvety box in her hands. She caressed the material for a moment before she opened it.

In front of her was a silver necklace, an anchor charm with a small diamond in the middle of it.

"Oh, Alec it's…beautiful. Thank you." She gave him a quick kiss then embraced him.

"You keep me from…drifting." He muttered into her hair.

"What?" she whispered into the white fur on his lapel.

"You're my anchor." His voice cracked on the last syllable.

Tears threatening to fall from her eyes, she reluctantly pulled away from him when the only thing she wanted to do was to wrap herself into him as tightly as possible. He rubbed her back as she tried to collect herself from the pile of love she just exploded into. She patted his pillow-clad stomach as she calmed down.

"Hey, why don't you walk by the boys' rooms, make them think they just missed you."

"Does Tom still believe in the whole Father Christmas thing?"

"I'm not entirely sure. I think he's clever enough to play along in order to get away with making a huge list each year. Or he might not want to ruin it for Fred, I don't know."

"Hmm." His face was scrunched into an expression of thought as she began to tidy up.

"Go on ahead, though. I'll meet you in the bedroom."

"Oh?" he asked in a suggestive manner.

"To _sleep._ " His face fell into an exaggerated pout. "Go."

He put his hat and beard back on and turned around, but not before she could catch a glimpse of those smiling eyes.

….

It was 7 AM, and everyone was sat in their pyjamas in the living room, anticipation building on Christmas morning. Alec was in charge of handing out the correct presents to each of the kids, and she was in charge of helping Fred with his gifts. Lily was having the time of her life rolling around in all the discarded wrapping paper strewn about the room.

Once Fred was preoccupied with one of his gifts and Tom was showing him how to use it, she got up and procured a final present that was well hidden behind the tree, and she handed it to Alec.

"I know we said no presents but you already broke that promise and said that speech so there we are." She said as she handed over the box.

"El, you really didn't have to." She played with her necklace as she watched him unwrap and open the gift.

"Wow…socks!" he feigned excitement quite convincingly and there was a flicker when she thought he was actually genuinely overjoyed. "These are great El, thank you."

He hugged her, and when they pulled away from each other, she spoke again. "That's not all." And right on cue, the doorbell rang. She nudged him to go open it, and he approached the door hesitantly, keeping his eyes on her until he needed to see where the doorknob was.

He cautiously opened the door at first, but when he saw what, or rather who, was behind it, he swung the door open and changed his demeanor.

"Dad?"


	17. Traces (pt 1)

He wondered when would be the best time to tell her.

Surely not right after she got home from work. Nor in the morning of a brand new day when she was getting ready. He couldn't possibly tell her when they meet up for lunch. Or really any time at all.

He didn't like confrontation.

In a police setting, sure, that's fine, that's part of the job. But in his personal life? I mean, he let his own wife walk all over him, for Christ's sake. He knew she was having an affair, but she knew he wouldn't confront her about it. He knew he wouldn't confront her about it.

Ever since he was growing up, he didn't like confrontation. He would avoid it whenever possible; he had no authority. Yet when he became a police officer, and it was no longer possible to avoid it, _and_ he had the authority he'd been so desperately lacking, it became easier. On the job, that is. Detective Alec Hardy was very different to real-life Alec Hardy.

He doesn't know exactly when Detective Alec Hardy took precedence, but he assumes it was sometime after Sandbrook. He does, however, know exactly when real-life Alec Hardy came back. It was when he had to tell Ellie that her husband was a murderer.

Detective Alec Hardy had his bouts of weakness (oh, how ironic) sometimes. Real-life Alec Hardy would stealthily win in a sneak attack in those rare moments that Detective Alec Hardy was unguarded. Usually when thinking about his daughter.

And now, his daughter is the reason why he has been pacing the floor in the wee hours of the morning, trying hard not to wake up the other members of the household. Lily was keeping him company but she was tired, bless her little heart. As she lay on the sofa, her eyes flickered between staring at him and being closed, and as time went on the latter won out increasingly so.

He went inside his room to see everything neat and tidy, like no one had ever lived in it. His eyes went to the corner, to the packed luggage, looking like it did at the Traders, and he sighed. Taking one look at this room, it's as if he never lived here at all.

But take a look through the rest of the house, and it's like he's lived here for years. He went back to the living room and took a seat next to Lily, noting the indentation in the sofa that fit his body almost perfectly, and he sat back.

He started looking around the room and saw their ( _their?_ ) collection of films, alphabetized from one day when Fred was still sleeping, Ellie at work, Tom at school, and he didn't have much to do. He abruptly got up, startling Lily in the process, but she was too exhausted to do anything other than roll over and close her eyes again, and he started walking around the room.

There were scuff marks on the floor that happened one day when Ellie was at work. He had underestimated his strength yet again, and the toy car race he had with Fred ended up in some serious battle scars in the wood. He had managed to hide it from Ellie by moving the sofa just a bit to the left. She still hasn't mentioned it to this day, and he's sure she still doesn't know about it.

He made his way to the kitchen and began making some tea, trying to make as little noise as possible. He noted the burn mark left on the countertop, cleverly concealed by a cutting board. Ellie knew about that one though, in fact, she helped make it. It didn't help that the both of them were almost useless in the kitchen, but he enjoyed getting to share the learning experience with her.

"Ah, I thought I heard a little mouse in here."

Ellie's hands wrapped from behind him to around his middle and he felt her lay her cheek on his back. He twisted around hugged her properly, kissing the top of her head.

"You okay? Why are you up so late?" she asked.

He chuckled into her hair. "I don't sleep, remember?"

"Now we both know that's not true." She pulled away from him. "What's wrong?"

He looked at her with a sad smile, wondering if now was the correct time to tell her, but ultimately he decided against it.

"Tea?"

Ellie stroked his arm gently and then made her way to the sofa. "Sure."

He let out a long breath and braced himself against the countertop.


	18. Traces (pt 2)

He made his way over to the sofa and handed Ellie her tea. They drank in silence, and somewhere along the way their hands found each other, fingers interlaced. Once he was sure that she was nearly finished, he took a long breath in.

"Ellie-"

"I saw the luggage."

He left his door open, of course he did. And of course that would be the first place she would check when she noticed he wasn't in bed with her. Whether or not he subconsciously left his door open so he wouldn't have to initiate the conversation remains a mystery.

He looked over at her and in her eyes, disappointment lingered. He looked away, favoring the action of caressing her thumb with his instead.

"When I called her, we talked about it briefly. I just…didn't think that…" She trailed off.

"That it would actually happen." He looked in her eyes again. "Are you mad at me?"

Her mouth moved in the false impression of a smile and she shook her head. "That depends. When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow. Well…" He looked at the clock. "…later today, if we're being technical about it." The sentence ended in something just barely audible, and he looked up at her, waiting for her reaction. Waiting for her to take her hand away from his and move to the other side of the sofa, well away from where he was seated. Instead, he got nothing. Silence. The disappointment was still there in her eyes, her hand was still there in his.

She sighed deeply and opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but exchanged it in favor of another deep breath. She moved closer to him, their hands finally parting, and she wrapped her whole body around his. They stayed like that for a while, just holding each other, until Ellie spoke up again.

"The floor looks like it has indentations there, do you see?"

He held her tighter, trying to block her view with his face, kissing her as she tried to get a closer look.

"C'mon, let's go to bed." He mumbled against her mouth. She sighed against his lips before kissing him once more and leading the way to the bedroom.

….

In the morning, everything was eerily silent. They stayed in bed for a while just staring at each other, holding each other. They would have all time in the world to talk, to hear each other's voice; but seeing each other, touching each other, would be few and far between.

Time seemed to move in slow motion as they went through their morning routine, their bodies physically closer to each other than normal. He held her from behind as she brushed her teeth, his head resting on her shoulder, staring at themselves in the mirror. He brushed her hair back behind her ear and kissed her cheek, and the intimacy of it all was making her heart feel very heavy.

They took their time dressing each other, making sure their fingers grazed every possible inch of skin that they could. Once dressed, they reluctantly parted ways, him to the kitchen to prepare his last meal for everyone for a while, and her to Tom's room to talk to him about what was happening.


	19. Traces (pt 3)

It never gets easier, telling Tom upsetting news. She could see it in his face too; neither of them particularly liked returning to those moments, reminders of dead friends and utter betrayal.

"Hey, sweetie, you alright?" She said as she sat upon his bed with him under the covers.

"Yeah." Tom smiled and nodded his head, sitting up.

"Tom…" She hesitated. "Later today," Another pause. "Mr. Hardy is going to be moving out."

Tom's face scrunched up in a manner of trying to figure out what she was trying to say. "Did something happen?"

"No sweetie, he- he's going to go back to live with his daughter for a while."

"Oh."

The silence grew rapidly, and she was painfully aware of his beside clock ticking away.

"Can I…go talk to him?" Pause. "By myself?"

She was taken aback by this request. "Yeah, of course." She stroked his back as he got out from under the sheets and leapt out of bed.

She sat in stunned silence for a moment after he left, then she went on to check on Fred.

….

She noticed Tom go back into his room after a short while, and she took that as her cue that it was safe for her to go to the kitchen.

When she reached him, he was putting food in Lily's bowl. She looked up at him expectantly, Lily following her example. After a while of them just staring at each other, she finally spoke up.

"…So?"

"'So' what?" He went to the sink to wash his hands.

"What did you guys talk about?"

"Just stuff, you know." He dried his hands and then turned his body toward her. "He asked if he could call me if he needed to and I told him to look after y-…Lily… and-"

"You know he really didn't like you once upon a time."

"Ah, I seem to recall you feeling the same way about me. Once upon a time." They grinned at each other as his hands found their way around her waist. She wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

….

Everyone took a longer amount of time than usual eating their breakfast. She knew it was silly; it's not like time was going to stop just for them, or that if somehow they moved in slow motion, the rest of the world would too. She would get these fleeting thoughts, ones that wanted to speed up the process, to have him gone and for the dull ache in the pit of her stomach to become a quick sharp pain instead. It was the sound of the silverware clattering that pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Just leave them, I'll get to it later." She said as she made her way over to where he was in front of the sink.

"You sure?"

"Yeah." She held her hand out and looked up at him expectantly, wiggling her fingers of her outstretched hand and grinning at him. He smiled back at her, took her hand, and they made their way to the sofa where Tom was watching TV and Fred was playing with his toys in front of it. She cuddled up next to him as they waited for the cab.

"You sure you don't want me to drive you? I mean, it just seems silly for you to take a cab." She said quietly into his chest.

"It's fine. I wouldn't want to inconvenience you."

She turned her head towards him, moving away from his body slightly to make it easier to look at him. "It wouldn't-"

"Please." His voice cracked. "Don't make this harder than it already is." He squeezed her hand as he turned his face away.

She was left speechless and decided that silence, beside the faint sounds of the telly and Fred's imaginative babbling, was for the best. She settled back into his arms.

….

The moments after that all seemed like one massive blur. The next thing she knew, they all were outside waiting for the car to arrive, Tom holding on to Lily's leash, Alec holding on to his luggage, and her holding on to Fred's hand.

The car pulled up to the driveway and Lily started barking, wary of the stranger in her presence. Alec walked over to it, refusing the driver's offer of helping to put his luggage in the back. He walked back over to them, turning his attention first to Tom, who was still holding on to an intermittently vocal Lily.

"Tom." He paused. "Keep your nose clean, do what your mother says." Tom nodded as he patted him on the back, Lily's sparse barks turning into a low consistent growl.

"Yes, I hear you Lily." He said as he bent down to pet her. She kept her eyes focused on the car, moving her head to look around him to keep her field of vision. "The mean man is going to take me away from you, huh? Is that why you're upset?" he cooed, petting her head and scratching behind her ear to calm her down.

Ellie felt Fred's hand leave hers and reach for Alec, both of his hands grasping at the air because he wanted to be picked up. Alec went over to Fred and lifted him up to his side.

"Do you want mummy to hold you?" He moved over to hand Fred to her, but Fred turned his face away and rested his head on Alec's shoulder, putting his arms around Alec's neck while sucking on the dummy in his mouth.

"Sorry El, it looks like Fred's coming with me."

She laughed, her wet eyes finally letting a single tear fall down, and she reached up to rub Fred's back. Alec crouched down again, putting Fred back onto the pavement, and gently removed his arms from around him.

"I'll see you later, Fred." He kissed Fred's forehead and ruffled his hair as he stood back up.

His eyes were finally on her, and they stared at each other for a moment before he reached his arms around her, pulling her toward him and kissing her cheek as they embraced. Tears were now falling freely from her eyes, and when he pulled from the hug, she could see his glassy eyes glinting in the sunlight. It seemed a mockery that the weather was so beautiful on such a gloomy day.

"I'll call you when I arrive." He said as he wiped a fresh tear from her cheek. He said his final farewells to everyone as he walked away and got inside the car, giving one final wave as it took off, showing a sad smile through the car window. She mustered up all the strength she had to smile back, and she waved until the car was out of view.

….

She took the kids to the park that day, because she always thought that keeping busy would help get her mind off things. However, more often than not, she was thinking about how she wished that he were still there with them, and that didn't really help matters. Her mind was eased a bit as she received the call from him later in the day saying that he had arrived safely and was on the way to eat dinner with his daughter. She knew that it would all be worth it in the end.

Later that night she had trouble falling asleep, so she decided to venture around the house to try to make herself exhausted and speed up the process. She found herself in his old room and sat on the bed, running her hands along the bed sheets. She then decided to lie in the bed properly, but when she rested her head on the pillow she heard a strange sound, like that of crinkling paper.

She turned the bedside lamp on and reached in the pillowcase to find a piece of paper that was obviously crumpled up into a ball and then uncrumpled so it would lay flat. Across the top was her name in black ink, written in capital letters. The first few sentences written on the page were scratched out, but she could still make out what was previously written:

 **ELLIE**

 _-I'm writing this because-_

 _-I know you don't-_

 _-I know we haven't-_

 _Trying to write these words to you has proven to be a more difficult task than I had first anticipated. I'm not even sure if I'll ever show this to you - you know how much of a coward I can be._

She turned the paper over and noticed that the front and most of the back of the page was covered in his handwriting. Still holding the paper in her hands, she looked up, feeling guilty about reading it without him knowing, and she decided that she would fold it up and put it back in the pillowcase. Yawning as she fluffed up the pillow and smoothed out the sheets, she turned off the lamp and made it back to her empty, silent room, and burrowed herself under the covers.

….

She awoke that morning to the sun illuminating her bedroom, still taunting her in the worst way possible. She sighed, looking to the empty side of the bed next to her. Grabbing her phone, she looked at the time and noticed she had 3 new messages. She clicked on the icon and saw that they were all from him.

 _Day 1: Missing you already._

 _Also, someone promised to show me how to use this video chat thing, so be prepared :P_

 _Just pretend I didn't use that face. Never again. Miss you._

She smiled, the sunlight in her room seeming a little less sinister.


End file.
